I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
