I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
