Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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