so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
