I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize