True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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