YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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