I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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