I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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