If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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