In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
