I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Fuck appropriateness.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
