have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
