Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm passing your future prison.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
