A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
