OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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