Already got asked if we're dating
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize