Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
