yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
