So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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