I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
