I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Randomize
