as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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