Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
