Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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