We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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