I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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