I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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