the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
