Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
