I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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