He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
