maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
