Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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