I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
