I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
