Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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