I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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