It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
