do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
