it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
