I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
