so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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