He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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