if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
