I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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