I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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