Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
