pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
