God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize