so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i think i just lost a toe
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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