I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
As shirtless as possible
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize