with your own penis?
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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