Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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