i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
