Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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