were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
