sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
a search helicopter?!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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