you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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