i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
