doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
