the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
ok first of all what the fuck
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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