I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
