Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
