Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
