i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize