I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
