I hate all girls vehemently.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
