Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
