He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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