Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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