I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Vodka?
Forever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
