I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
