I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
