I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
