Your dad touched me again.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
