I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
